A Medical Spoonerism

October 9, 2011 5 comments

I offer you this, a sorry refrain,
a cautionary tale to be heeding,
concerning a man in considerable pain
and medical attention urgently needing!

google searches he was soon reading
to find the illness with which he was struck
he had no symptoms of rash or bleeding
and in his search he soon became stuck

finally he decided his courage to pluck
and visit the doctor to end his torment
the doc examined him and said he was in luck
for he knew the cause of his painful lament

t’is nowt but a boil lad, we’ve got a treatment
and with a nurse he left him for medical toil
til the man ran screaming, manhood agony evident
then shouts the doc No Nurse! I said prick his boil!!!



August 8, 2011 10 comments

The fair Lady Godifgu, the Lady of Coventry town;
In anguish she wept and with anger was fraught
At the misery, Leofric’s tax had brought down
Upon the folk who, ere the tax, already had naught.

 At this she saddened and in her mind a plan was caught:
Godifgu, ‘tis said, came to Leofric when in chamber alone;
That he lift the tax, was all she pleadingly sought!
Yet laughing, he swore: Hypocrisy! I will not condone!

 You! In your jewellery and garments finely sewn!
The spittle of his wrath speckled her face:
You dare accuse me of having a heart of stone?
You live this way, only through MY grace!

 But yet I see a test of your resolve in this case:
Naked, as the day you were born, you shall ride
From one end to the other of the market place;
Only then, will relief from this tax be supplied!

 Upset and shamed fled Godifgu to her tower and cried,
But strengthened yet her forceful mind.
Heralds she summoned once her eyes had dried
And despatched them forthwith, her plan well defined.

Hither I come, mounted, unclad as Leofric designed,
Through street and alley to the square,
And if this tax you wish me to grind,
Then, for my modesty, let not one citizen see me bare!

The Lady Godifgu unpinned her cascading hair
And as a snake shedding skin, stepped from her dress.
Trusting the good folk that none would stare,
Astride her steed she went, modesty free of duress.

And thus from her destiny, she could not digress,
As through deserted streets rode naked Godifgu, proud;
Her virtue and honour, the loyal town folk would not oppress
For the normally bustling streets, were now devoid of crowd.

 Blank faced door and window of curtained shroud,
Were the only audience of her splendid quest.
For alone, in silence she rode, through streets once loud,
Chaste, not immoral, and all for Coventry’s best.

Her journey completed, she returned to the keep and dressed
And went once more to the Earl Leofric’s side:
Now lift this tax! I have done as you behest!
And that I am true to the people cannot be denied!

 Leofric, muttering, sent orders far and wide,
For his agents to cease their onerous, collecting task.
A man of his word was he, who never lied,
And no greater thing, could a man of his wife, ask!

 Once more in happiness, could Coventry bask,
And nowhere could be seen grimace or frown;
And from that day to this, many a beer cask
Has been opened to toast, the fair Lady Godiva of Coventry town.

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Eternity In England

July 18, 2011 8 comments

Excelsior!  I shall cry!  Uttered at the last.
What for?  The question, I’ll no doubt be asked.
For England!  I’ll say, my heartfelt reply.
My England! The place I want to die!

 For when I depart
this glorious isle,
I shall still my heart
and die with a smile.

For though I die and leave behind
loved ones in my wake,
memories of England will ever find
my spirit at another daybreak.

Because of all I’ve learned
about this country sublime,
I WILL be returned
time after time.

 Excelsior!  Of England, will be said.
Encore! To England again!  Once this me is dead.
For I will live another role
in this wondrous, hallowed place:
Same joyous, English soul;
different happy face!

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during nocturnal canine ablutions

July 13, 2011 24 comments

the cool of dark
is welcome
and calm
I gaze upward
into eternity
my awe intense
and oblivion
stares back
at me in all my

as scents
and sounds
my senses
I stand in
under the
milky way

a light blinks
steadily and
glides silently
across the
ebon sky
of my gaze

a moth
flutters by
foraging for
I feel
its fleeting
and accept
my relative

in the
a constant
rumble of
traffic in
a bass line
to the
moans of
an open

and nearer
muted voices
moan of
as the
stench of
assaults my

at last
the dog
her ablutions
and I retreat
indoors to
once more


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Demise Of A Hog Roast

July 5, 2011 7 comments








stewards with
herd the
loiterers off
the concourse
onto the grass
a jostled man
drops his
hog roast

the swelling
the mess
except a
woman who
stops then
walks away
flapping from
her flip flop

roast hog
with the

dave grohl
with the

the stewards
give up
the concourse
soon disappears
under a sea
of humanity
and the hog
before the

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The Iceni Legend

June 13, 2011 9 comments

Where now lies the Iceni spirit?
But all about in Anglian air!
In copse and brook and quarry pit,
Envisage the glory and feel it there.

 Boadicea stands now as statuesque Queen,
At Westminster bridge in old Londinium,
Her image emblazons the penny, now unseen,
Her like won’t be met in another millennium.

 But though we live the here and now,
It’s to the past that we must look.
So remember, and learn, as I tell you how,
The Iceni legend came unto our history book.

 In the ivory towers of ancient Rome,
At the corrupted hub of a sprawling Empire,
Was the licentious Nero, who lay at home,
Dreaming, unwittingly, of funeral pyres.

 Far away, on the edge of Empire grand,
The Cohorts and Legions, who as invaders had marched,
Swathing across such green and pleasant land,
Now policed a nation now of freedom parched.

 In one great domain of true Celtic blood,
Death deemed it due, to sup on Prasutagus’ soul,
And thus created opportunity, for legend to flood,
Through Boadicea, to embody her fated role.

 For Prasutagus had acquired a vast treasure hoard,
But had failed to produce an heir.
So in order to protect the family he adored,
He foolishly willed Nero, an equal share.

 Roman eyes glinted with malice and greed,
And sacked the estates of the belated King.
Countless Centurions on criminal deed,
Obeying immoral orders, sealed by Nero’s ring.

 And thus came the villains to palatial abode,
And took brave Boadicea and her daughters, two.
The palace was pillaged as Nero crowed,
And the women were subjected to improper imbrue.

 The sweet apples both of Prasutagus’ eye,
Were cruelly stripped and brutally raped,
Whilst Boadicea was beaten `neath darkened sky,
At which her wounds wept, and openly gaped.

Her body thus battered, but not her womanly resolve,
She rallied the Iceni of the Anglian folk.
With a cry that none, could from their duty absolve,
Follow me or submit to the Roman yoke!

 Twice hundred times a thousand men of steel,
Marched for vengeance and Iceni pride,
And justice and freedom from invaders heel,
And the memory of their brethren that had died.

 The fist of Rome, Nero’s right hand,
The governor Suetonius Paulinius,
Was away on business across the land,
And of these events was somewhat oblivious.

 And thus to Camulodunum, they came unchecked,
And mustered without of the decadent nest;
Then Boadicea, whom with Roman scars was bedecked,
Incited the Iceni with her bloody request.

Tis I they beat and whipped and scarred!
Tis from I they looted and stole!
My family’s lands lay sacked and charred,
And Iceni blood runs down gibbet pole!

My daughters innocence was bestially defiled,
By the wicked contempt of Neronian lust!
Prasutagus was by treachery beguiled,
Forward Ecene!  Grind the tyranny into dust!

 Warlike Brittannia, grasping trident aloft,
Charioted led the ranks to the affray.
At pleas for mercy, the warriors scoffed.
For no prisoners they took on this vengeful day.

 Death gloated and reaped his ripened harvest,
As the Iceni tribes continued their work of slaughter.
And Boadicea’s fury was vented by her bloodquest,
Screaming, Revenge!  For me and my daughters!

 Camulodunum fell, and Rome winced in pain,
For no one was spared from Iceni hate;
By the torch or the cross, their presence would stain,
No longer, nor bridle, Britain’s fate.

 Boadicea’s wrath was still not abated,
And she rallied once more the men,
Camulodunum is taken, too long it waited,
“Onwards to Verulamium, to victory again!

 This, my friend, is the stuff of legend.
The spirit of rebellion for what is right.
The snarling underdog, turns to send,
The evil marauders back to the night.

 Verulamium too, fell to the sword,
Its Roman denizens put to death,
And still the battle drunk Celtic horde,
Were urged to smother every last Roman breath.

 South they turned to Londinium town,
Their fury and impetus still not spent.
And plundered the jewel of Rome’s English crown,
That the might of Empire was buckled and bent.

Paulinius, from Mona, at last sallied forth,
To quash the infractious uprising.
Reinforcing his troops with Legions from the north,
He deployed his strategy with a speed surprising.

 At Fenny Stratford, on Watling Street,
The Empire’s finest, the Roman foe,
Invoked the Iceni legend with a crushing defeat,
Of the rebel band, inducing Boadicea’s woe.

 The disciplined engine of military might,
Advanced in unison to the fore.
Iceni hearts trembled at the doom laden sight,
And the ground turned to quagmire from Ecene gore.

 Once more victorious, the Roman eagle flew,
“Veni!  Vidi!  Vici!” still held sway.
But from that loss the legend grew,
And lives among us still today.

 Boadicea, with her heart so full of pain,
Imbibed of poison to quell the ache.
Her spirit and soul still live again,
Seeking Shackles of Injustice which to break.

 For this you must know is the lesson learnt,
To be shouted loud throughout the land;
Though Liberty, at the stake, may be burnt,
Against wrong-doings, Britain must stand.

 Boadicea’s bones are long since dust,
But like a Phoenix, she arose anew,
Rule Brittannia!  Yell with a patriots lust!
Boadicea and the Iceni, were Britain’s true!

Equine Fury

June 13, 2011 3 comments

I have an eclectic cd collection
of which I’m very proud
but I can struggle to make a selection
of what to play on loud

until I settle on one old favourite
a Guns ‘n’ Roses classic
although I know they’ve covered it
it’s awesome metal magic

Slash and Izzy strum their chords
on the track of Wild Horses
to give the crowd their rewards
of mighty guitar forces

the cd is called the Rope And The Colt
tho’ the sound is not the best
it’s an import, a commercial revolt
yet passes the musical test

they like their covers, they really do
(let Spaghetti Incident be the jury?)
so my fave from the GnR crew
is the one by the Stones of equine fury.


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